2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
