just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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