ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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