But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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