Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
