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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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