What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
