I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
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I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
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I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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