D3 body, D1 cock
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
