does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Damn victory sex feels great
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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