Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
