Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
