i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
