I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
