nut hugger
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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