when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
