idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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