Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
