There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
