turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
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I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
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I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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