My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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