can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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