i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
