i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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