I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
