If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
