Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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