Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
