dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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