My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
