so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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