Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
