umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
