life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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