i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
