the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
