there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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