i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
