This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
