I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
