I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just gargled with NyQuil
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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