Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
