I forgot how hot balto sounded
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
