oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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