I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize