she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
