Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
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my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
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My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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