i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
