So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
