If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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