you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
