i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
