There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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