My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
