sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
