i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
