so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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