3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
