Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just high enough for therapy.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize