I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
