My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
