if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
no, he came in my armpit
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Come see our sink grown plant.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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