If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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