Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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