There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Pants are for mortals
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
