New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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